The Little Voice

Illustration by Suzie Israel

There are a lot of voices vying for our attention both internal and external. Internally, we’ve got:

1. The voice of encouragement
2. The voice of self-doubt, which is really just self-protection (“Don’t get too excited or proud because you’ll just be disappointed”)
3. The disparaging voice (“What makes you think you can do anything of value?”)
4. The soft voice of inspiration, that originates in the primordial parts of the brain completely independent of language
5. And more…

Externally, we’ve got:

1. The gaslighter (“Your self-doubt is valid and here’s why”)
2. The champion (“Ignore the haters; you’re great and here’s why”)
3. The mystic/thought leader (“Here’s something you haven’t thought about in exactly this way”)
4. And more…

What do all these voices have in common? They can all receive our attention, and even become our identity if we give them enough mental weight.

I strive for the day when the only negative voices are external ones. With positive internal voices, I have the power to synthesize both criticism and praise in order to produce better work. And that’s what is most important to me — the process and product of a life well-lived.

And that’s why I get so angry about that phenomenon where I doubt myself and the gaslighters say my self-doubt is valid. Fuck the gaslighters. And fuck self-doubt. It only ever serves to protect our egos from disappointment. Failure and disappointment are better teachers than unencumbered accomplishment anyway. Who am I to avoid disappointment at the price of my self-expression? The world needs me; the world needs my light, not my excuses. The world needs my voice. And yours.